Yesterday: It’s Sunday morning and I’m up at dawn. Everything hurts, even my hair. Even my eyeballs. Everything’s blurry after staying up way too late just because it was Saturday night.
I practically sleepwalk to the coffeemaker and through the haze, I see what was once my kitchen. Somewhere between cleaning up dinner and now, the teens and their friends got hold of it. Picture a hurricane of caked-on plates and forks and cups and spoons. I open the dishwasher. As usual, it’s full and dirty. The dog is whining. He has to pee. God forbid someone should fill his water bowl.
It’s gonna be a long day, I think and then I smile. It’s an evil smile.
In just two short weeks, I get a day I can call mine and I can turn all this around.
A couple of Sundays from now, I will wake up and it will be the day for unappreciated moms everywhere. A card full of Hallmark sentiments? Breakfast in bed? Diamonds? OK, sure, but seriously, guys, don’t sweat over what to get me. Instead of focusing on what I want, I’m all about what I DON’T want.
I will declare this Mother’s Day “Today I Am Not Doing This Day” and for once, that means someone else will have to. I won’t even have to nag because hey, these are my GIFTS. Listen up, Family: You WANT to give me stuff on Mother’s Day. So brace yourself. You asked for it.
MY MOTHER’S DAY WISH LIST – WHAT I DON’T WANT!
1. I don’t want to walk into any rooms and see food or dishes – unless it’s the kitchen during meal time
2. I don’t want to feed any mammals anything
3. I don’t want to be sighed at or grunted at or brow-raised at when I open my mouth
4. I don’t want to be a human bank machine
6. I don’t want to ask for a card or a gift or flowers or a hug or anything else
7. I don’t want to trip over anything anywhere in the house
8. I don’t want to remind about or help with work that’s not mine
9. I don’t want to feel guilty that I don’t appreciate my own underappreciated mom
10. And finally, I don’t want to plan the day (but yes, there has to be a plan, Husband, so get a move on!)
WHAT DON’T YOU WANT THIS MOTHER’S DAY?
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