I joke around around that my hobby is embarrassing my kids.  But really, that’s all it is. Joking.  I may red-light-dance while driving carpool, or jump on the bed for ‘chats’ when they’re chilling with their friends, do underarm checks or even zoom in for a smooch in public.  However, shockingly enough,  I do understand boundaries and none of my little games carry long-term possibilities for damage.

A while ago, Time Magazine created a furor with their cover showing mommy blogger Jamie Lynne Grumet breastfeeding her 3-year-old son.  Amongst the various fall-out commentaries, blog posts, and editorials, emerged a common theme:  when this boy is a teenager, how will he feel about the magazine cover?  I read an interview with the mother where she indicated that she had indeed thought about this question, and her response was something to the effect of, Oh, he’s a self-confident boy (he’s THREE), and we have a close and warm family, he’ll love it. It won’t bother him at all.

Oh! Come ON!! Give me a break, lady.  I have teenagers.  I know teenagers.  Their embarrassment level rises at the sight of their mom in a low cut top.  If there existed a picture of one of them sucking my boob, forever available on the Internet to the entire world, I can guarantee that they would be beyond mortified, notwithstanding how much they love their family.  Never mind the potential for bullying, as in Hey guys, you see Billy sucking his mom’s tit on the cover of Time?

Anyway, that particular controversy is long gone, and my outrage has now been replaced with this:



Yes, this is Nadya Suleman, otherwise known as Octomom, otherwise known as Mother of 14, posing for promotional photos for her how-to masturbation videos.

You heard me.  Ms. Suleman didn’t receive enough notoriety from having herself inseminated with Octuplets that she couldn’t support, so now she has decided to help the world masturbate.

I have opinions.

First of all, who has Octuplets just to get famous?  Those are babies, not gerbils. They are mini-people who need to be raised.  I have no problem with folks having lots of kids.  My grandfather was about the eighth in a group of 10 or 11 (who can remember…), and if my great-Bubs and Zayde hadn’t gone for the gusto, well, then my father, and hence me and my sibs, wouldn’t exist.

What I do have a problem with is making babies for the wrong reasons, such as fame and notoriety.  Which is fucked up. And which was obviously Octomom’s main motivation.  As a single mother with no money, and six kids already, what could her reasons possibly have been for having EIGHT more via artificial insemination?

Second of all, once the Octuplets (and the other kids) are on the scene, there’s a responsibility to raise them right.  That’s a whole lotta humans to send out into the world.  I think it’s a football team, but I’m not up on my sports.  I totally get that some people have to do what it takes to feed their children.  I understand that there are single mothers who work as strippers to make ends meet and to give their kids a chance at a good life.  But I really don’t think that this is Octomom’s motivation.

I think she wants to be famous.

No matter what.

You know what made me mad?  I was driving and I heard her on Howard Stern talking about her video project.  He asked how she thought her masturbation videos would affect her children when they were teenagers. Her answer?

(giggle) I don’t think about that. (giggle)

Are you kidding me?  You have FOURTEEN kids and you don’t think about how your actions will affect them?  Or is it that you don’t care

Picture that you are one of those eight kids who will all turn 14 on the same day. Imagine that you walk into school and everyone is looking at you, laughing, pointing.  You walk up to your eight lockers in a row, and spray painted across them are the words: Your mommy masturbates on film.

Some kid found those videos that these eight kids hoped against hope would never be found.

That’s what Octomom’s kids have ahead of them. Thanks to their mom who doesn’t think, doesn’t care, and has said in interviews, doesn’t even want them anymore.

Tack this bottom-of-the barrel attention-seeking video project onto the long list of negative (or in her mind, positive)  publicity this woman has gleaned for herself, and what you’ve got is a recipe for screwed up and dysfunctional teenagers.

What is wrong with Nadya Suleman?  What was Jamie Lynne Grumet thinking?  When did the desire to be infamous overtake our sense of repercussions in the future? Life is more than just this minute. Especially when you have children.  Especially when we are trying to teach kids the ethics and best practices of Internet and Facebook sharing.

How would you explain your worst behaviour to your teenagers if it were posted online?



  1. Gah! How do these women not think about the future, and how their actions have repercussions for their kids? I am a single Mom, and I have difficulty even thinking about dating because of the stress I have over how long to wait before I introduce a new person to my kids because I want to make sure that it is a stable relationship before letting my kids build a relationship with that new person.
    Maybe it’s because there is just me and them, but all I do is think about how my actions impact my kids.

    • Some people aren’t thinking about their kids. In fact, this woman had her kids for the fame. And now, they’re just getting in the way of her goals.

  2. Now I feel great about the little things I do that annoy my kids. They don’t know how good they got it 😛

  3. This woman really has desperate written all over her

  4. Let’s go back to their “mentors” John & Kate plus 8, the Duggars, the dance moms and the pageant moms. But when Ocotomom became a media “sensation” (using the term lightly) it was a train wreck waiting to happen. Just look at John & Kate – who, let’s not forget, set up a website when she was preggo with her 6 in hopes of getting the attention of the media.

    The more we throw money at people willing to whore themselves out for 15 minutes of fame, the more we’ll have to deal with the consequences. Because the word consequence has no meaning to them.

  5. I look so awesome now. I can’t even approximate that level of mortification.

    My kids are already grown, so I don’t really have to wonder what the future will hold in terms of info or photos I posted while they were small. But even now, I try to guard their privacy and only include information about them with their permission. But more, I always try to imagine how they will feel now, and later, if they see my blog, tweets, facebook posts etc. They count.

  6. Wow. Short-term thinking is really killing this country. Instead of home ec or recess, classes should be taught about the importance of long-term thinking. Or the threats of short-term thinking. Love the idea that no mom is an island. Great post.

  7. Spot on. My mere existence embarrasses my 12 year old. How do you not think about these things? You must not talk to those people you are supposed to be raising…

    • And by you I of course mean the dumbass in the bikini, not the delightfully snarky author of this post.

  8. Esther Marcus says:

    By definition, this woman is an idiot, and completely incapable of considering the consequences of any action she has or will take in the future. Who knows what she’ll do next! Sadly, kids are ostracized & bullied for much less than having a mother who basically will sell herself on the internet.
    And learning to masterbate by way of an Octomom video? Come on ladies… figure it out for yourselves.

Speak Your Mind