Mom, Act Your Age!

Do you tell your kids to act their age? Well, get this. Now, they think I should respect them by acting mine.

You’re only as young as you feel, right? Not according to my kids. To them, I’m past my prime, old, aged, any way you look at it. From every angle. Inside and out.

Now my age limits what what I can and can’t do. I mean it, there are act-your-age minefields. And the number of years I have been on earth appears to correlate to an increasing danger of setting them off (read: embarrassing and/or royally pissing off), especially in front of – gasp! – their friends, the very people we want to feel welcome in our home.

Unlike some parents, I don’t go around trying to make my children run and hide. But it is clear that the older I get, the less I am able to get away with my normal adult behavior without my children shaking their heads.

MOM, YOU’RE TOO OLD TO _________________________

* Say phrases that their friends use in every other sentence, such as “That’s boss” or “True dat.” Newsflash: Kids these days tend to prefer their mothers don’t sound like hip hop stars.

* Dress like any kind of hipster. That means fedoras are out. Also winter hats that bag at the top, silver nail polish and anything with studs.

* Ask who they’re texting. While it is not even remotely rude for them to carry on furious conversations with five people while you are the only two in the room, it is an eye-rolling travesty to butt into those conversations by asking about them.

* Sing and/or dance in public, especially to the song I’m Sexy and I Know It. You may have rocked the place back when but your sexy days are over, my friend, and in case you haven’t heard, disco is out.

*Choose the music on the car radio – especially if you have any love of country, jazz or, Heaven Forbid, classical. (Lock the doors. That last one could drive your kid to exit the car while it’s still moving).

* Ask about their love life, including naming certain names, and using the phrase hooking up, which is reserved for teen mouths only (pun intended).

* Have any conversations at all with any of their friends on Facebook, even if you’ve known those kids since they were in diapers. That’s not only embarrassing, it’s “very, very weird.”

* Comment on any of their Facebook photos or any of their friends’ Facebook photos without express permission. In case you don’t know, your presence on there stops dead all comments. You are a conversation killer. So hide, lurk, or better yet, MYOB and hang out on the boring Facebook walls of friends your own age.

FILL IN THE BLANK:

MY KIDS SAY I’M TOO OLD TO _______________

 

About randi

Randi Chapnik Myers & Mara Shapiro don't get fazed by their teens. At least they try not to.

Comments

  1. Great post! Apparently, I’m too old to say “lol” (read NOT ALLOWED)…and I can’t sing in the car even with the windows up. Even if I’m zipping down the highway…because someone might SEE me…

  2. I showed my mother LOL and now she adds it to the end of every single email. Just another angle- the things our own parents do that make us shake our heads!

  3. I laughed and nodded all through reading this!
    I do use their phrases/words like bawss, lolz, presh, holla..and get away with it, but it`s usually just by texting, and they know I`m just having fun. Speaking of texting, so true; not allowed to ask `who are you texting?!“ Especially hard to refrain from asking this when they`re laughing out loud..
    Music in the car however is my domain! If I`m driving you to school, picking you up etc I`m sorry, but you just have to put up with me belting out Maroon 5, Pitbull, Enrique..anyone. And even if you turn down the volume, to tell me “Mom, leave the singing to the professionals“, the music will play, and I will sing louder! Louder is better right? My almost 17yr old son has been letting me listen to the rap he`s into, which is neat, because he tells me stories of the artists, their background etc. all about the communication. And seriously, some of it is really good! And I love it when he says, you`ll like this guy Mom, he doesn`t swear too much. But….last night he showed me a photo of one of the `guys` and I said `Oh wow, is he ever good looking! so hot!` and my son made a gagging sound. `No Mom. Don`t tell me who you think is hot please. And btw, he`s 17!` Good grief, I embarassed myself there!
    Oof, I have got into so much trouble from asking about relationships..so I try not to ask anymore, but that doesn`t stop me from dishing out tidbits of wise advice. I mean, I was a dating teen before I met your Dad! But, it seems only Taylor Swift can dish out the relationship advice, could be worse.
    As for Facebook, I have been deleted from my daughter`s account from posting to many videos (Taylor Swift videos, thought they`d cheer her up!) but am back, but on probation. It`s a fine line. I`ll post things, and she`ll delete, then send me an inbox message saying `no`. Message received. Isn`t she `presh`?
    But I wouldn`t trade my teens and their rules for anything; and it`s their fault, they`re keeping us young ;-)

  4. Your comment is presh! Thanks so much for sharing and my husband agrees with you. The car radio is his domain in his car, kids, so put up or call a cab!

  5. This was a hilarious post! My kids are still really young, so nothing (imagine that!) I do embarasses them (yet!) and they actually like hanging out with me. This post did make me realize that I better enjoy it now, because they’ll be asking me to drop them off a block before school so they don’t have to be seen with their mom in a minivan (just as I did to my own mother) before I know it.

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