Headlines! Madonna’s 15-year-old daughter Lourdes is caught on camera! Smoking!
My immediate reaction to this Big News: Was it reefer? Crack-cocaine? Heroine? Awww. Just nicotine?
Really, people. Whoopee.
But then I read the Material Mom’s response. Apparently, she disapproves of smoking, she says – while on a break from her new Girls Gone Wild video where she’s sucking on her own glamorous cancer wand. She concedes that parenting is hard but insists she’s no hypocrite. Huh?
Yes, Madonna, parenting teenagers takes work. It’s not sexy. We feel for you. It must be especially tough when you’re a 53-year-old mom with four kids, all from different dads, and from a distance, you somehow still look 15. And when you’re an international sensation who can’t stop grinding and writhing ad nauseum like a Girl – oops, I mean, Mom – Gone Wild.
And it must be hard on Lourdes, and the rest of your kids, who are no doubt tuning in. Can you say Mortified?
Of course, no parent is perfect. We all have our secret stash of tell-me-you-didn’t-see-that moments (except that Madonna begs you to see hers). As a result, we’re all different shades of hypocrite. Still, at some point in parenting, there’s got to be a cap on how many times you get to say Do as I Say, Not as I Do. There comes a time when you have to start modeling appropriate behavior for your kids. In other words, you have to grow up.
For Madge, that time has come and gone and come again. So hopefully, she’ll consider the little butt debacle a sign that teens are crazy impressionable and take the following house rules to heart:
1. No smoking anything, period.
2. No connecting with teen fans using drug slang.
3. No modeling bondage/SM gear.
4. No dating boys who could technically be your grandsons.
5. No making videos or commercials that are deemed x-rated for young viewers.
6. No shoving your tongue down other women’s throats in public.
Got more advice for the Material Mom? Please, do share.