I’M A MOTHER. AND I’M TIRED OF NAGGING MY KIDS

nagging mother always bugging her children

source: ehow.com

I’m a naggerina. All I do, all morning and all evening is nag. The only reason I don’t nag during the day is because the teenagers are at school. I really hate it, by the way.  I don’t want to be that person, sound like that.

Pick up your clothes.

Put away your clothes.

Don’t leave your shoes at the door.

Where is your lunchbox?

Did you do your homework.

Do those dishes jump into the dishwasher by themselves?

Empty the dishwasher.

Why did you use my kitchen scissors to strip wire?

Why are you stripping wire?

Get off the computer.

Leave me alone I’m busy go use your computer.

Did you make plans?

Why are there so many kids in this house

Why are there so many glasses in your room?

Take out the recycling.

Who put the leftover chicken in the garbage? Don’t you know how to sort the waste properly?

Who put this empty box back in the cupboard? And this one. And this ONE?

WHO FINISHED THE MILK?

I ONLY GAVE YOU ONE JOB TO DO….

I’ve tried avoiding this constant pestering for a long time.  Eighteen years to be exact.  I know it’s my fault. I always just did everything for them.  It was easier to bite my tongue and just avoid the aggravation.  The cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the tidying up.

Not the beds. I don’t care about made beds.

Not the rooms. I don’t care about messy rooms.  My philosophy includes a shut door hides everything and that’s your space go live in it.

But, I did everything else.  Until, slowly, it all started to fall apart.  I got tired. Resentful too.  Maybe a bit lazy.  I would look at those children-who-almost-aren’t and I’d wonder why they weren’t pitching in.

Were they blind? Selfish?  Even lazier than their mother?

What would happen to them when they would leave home? Would they know how to do their laundry, cook, make their own lunch, clean their toilets?

I know that I was supposed to give them chores to do from a young age.  I’ve heard magical fairytales of children who know how to vacuum, do dishes, even laundry.

Not my little princess and two handsome princes.

I didn’t want my kids to do all that I had  to do as the second oldest and a girl.  I hate to say it, but I felt like Cinderella.  But, thinking back and also forward, maybe it wasn’t the stuff I had to do around the house that was the problem. It might have been the expectation, the responsibility, the pressure to do all that I was tasked with.  I didn’t want the responsibility for preparing meals and caring for my two younger siblings when I was 16.  I didn’t want to be left with them, at the age of 18, while my parents vacationed.  It wasn’t the actual jobs that were the problem, it was the message, the delivery.

When I became a mother, I swore, my kids would never feel like that. So, I chose the polar opposite.

I gave my kids no responsibilities.  

What a big mistake.  Doing chores, helping out is what you do as part of a family. That’s what I didn’t realize, still stinging from my Hard Knock Life childhood.  It builds character. It sets you up for your life.  If I’d realized this as a young mother,I’d be sitting around with a cocktail.  The things you realize when it’s too late.

Because now, when I do assign tasks, they don’t remember to actually do them; it’s not part of their routine.  So then I have to remind them.  Over and over.  It’s like the darkest circle of hell.  I need reprieve. I need a solution.

I asked my 16-year old this morning a question. Not a nag, a simple query.

Can you just explain to me why you don’t put your dishes in the dishwasher?  

His answer?

Well, I never know if it’s empty or clean.Can’t you get a little sign that tells me?

Son, yes I can.

dishwasher magnet that says if the dishes are clean or dirty

source: handmadeartists.com

Now, I’m off to sort the laundry. Baby steps for this recovering Naggerina.

 

Comments

  1. This was very refreshing to read because I struggle with this internally almost every day. Any time (50% of my time) my daughter is at my house (a small apartment) I struggle to get her to do the simplest of things- pick up her socks and shoes, put her dishes in the sink, put dirty clothes in the hamper- and it’s because I don’t give her enough responsibilities!

    I think I feel like “ah, nevermind, I’ll just do it myself,” which isn’t really helpful to either of us, lol

  2. You’ll get there Mara. Baby steps are good. Signs are good. Draw them pictures if need be. And even for those kids who have regular chores, sometimes the parents still need to put the naggerina shoes on *points to herself*.

  3. The worst part about assigning chores? Is waiting for them to be done. If my daughter ‘forgets’ to make her bed in the morning…I leave it unmade til she gets home after school. AND IT KILLS ME BECAUSE I HATE UNMADE BEDS!! But, if she wants to go on her computer, play with friends etc…that bed has to be made. So, I just shut her door so I don’t have to look at it. Because as you so astutely point out…half the problem is US!

  4. don Fefinho says:

    This seems to be an universal female defect. Because no one gives a damn fucking fuck about wether the beds are made or not, or there’s a sock on the floor or not. If someone drops by, or I drop by at someones room, we just – guess what – don’t give a flying fuck! And nobody gets hurt over it. Except moms and girlfriends with a stake in their asses.

  5. I’m a teen, graduating highschool soon, and I can say that nagging has almost broke me off from my parents. It hasn’t stopped for years and now I try not to talk to them every chance I get. I resent my parents. Just hearing their voice annoys me and the less I have to see them, the better. Sure I get they’re trying to help or whatever, but I don’t even care anymore. I’m already alienated from their nagging and their help isn’t worth all the stress and depression it brings.

  6. I get really annoyed when my parents nag me.

Trackbacks

  1. […] that 5pm witching hour when one minute, you’re pissed that the teen failed a science test despite your nagging or the tween won’t stop begging for a cell phone, and the next, you’re panting for some […]

  2. […] types and different skills. They have their own study habits. And I get that reminding, cajoling, nagging, punishing and otherwise forcing homework into their consciousness stops working at a certain age […]

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