I DON’T WANT TO BE A MOM WHO DRINKS

Moms Who Drink

 

I’m not sure when it happened but at some point, it became cool for Moms to drink. There are blogs dedicated to us, and Facebook pages, websites, books. Thinking back, I figure it was  probably around the time it became OK – and then a fad – to admit that being a Mommy is not all June Cleaver, that parenting is hard and temporarily hating your kids is just part of the job description.

Then there was this social segue where we made a dangerous logistical leap. Once we’re admitting that wiping poop/cleaning vomit/driving carpool until you could drive a stake through your skull can fry your nerves, then hey, what’s a little glass of Merlot? Or two? Or three? How about a vodka shot? We deserve it! Our kids have driven us to drink!

In other words, Mom + Kids = Booze.

This equation makes me cringe, even if I am an offender. Lest you think I judge you and your Mom Juice, I’m not pouring my Pinot down the drain anytime soon. But seeing as it’s Friday morning, I’m soberly considering why the bottle has become a fixture in so many household fridges and whether it’s time to close the bar on the bonding-over-booze Mom bash. (Catch me around 6pm and I might be slurring a different tune – but at least I’ll be more honest about my reasons.)

So. I’m not talking about a hearty “Cheers” on Saturday night. This post is about unscrewing that cap while cooking Tuesday stew, or on Thursday, which, let’s face it, is basically the weekend anyway. It’s about that 5pm witching hour when one minute, you’re pissed that the teen failed a science test despite your nagging or the tween won’t stop begging for a cell phone, and the next, you’re panting for some liquid relief.

Maybe I’m just getting old – or growing up – but now that I have teens, dipping into the bar is not the fun it used to be.

As much as it takes the edge off the parenting nerves, drinking is addictive. Down a glass of every dinnertime, and feel that craving come knocking at 6pm sharp. Plus, it messes up my sleep. The sips that calmed me have vanished by 4am when I wake up with a brainful of anxiety. I always forget that alcohol is a depressive. When it wears off, my emotions plummet. And there is no mistaking those secret calories in there that have found a direct line to my waist.

Then there are the kids. Drinking around them makes me feel inauthentic in so many ways. I’m not really listening to the timbre of their voices or answering thoughtful questions thoughtfully. My reactions are all fired up.

I’ve made dumb decisions, too. Like getting into a car just to drop a kid around the block and thinking nothing of it because a tiny bit tipsy feels normal.

Of course, there’s no getting around the hypocrisy of telling my teens that booze will screw them up while they watch me refill my glass.

Most disturbing though, by bonding with other mothers over cocktail hour, I’m being dishonest about the reasons I drink – and there are many, none of which have to do with my kids. I’m not jumping on any wagons here but I am realizing that I don’t deserve to drink because I’m a Mom. Sometimes, yes, I choose booze. But my choices are not my kids’ fault, and the fact is, they never were.

 

 

 

 

 

 

About randi

Randi Chapnik Myers & Mara Shapiro don't get fazed by their teens. At least they try not to.

Comments

  1. Wine is a treat shared with friends & sometimes alone. Much like indulging in a delish square of dark chocolate, I enjoy it most in small and not regular doses. While I sometimes grumble, “Holy wow, my kids blah blah blah, hand me a glass,” that has become more of a verbal release. I drink in front of my kids. They are hopefully learning that small amounts of alcohol consumed as part of a meal or celebratory occasion is not taboo. If it’s not taboo, it becomes less coveted. Doesn’t mean I categorically avoid the tipsy feeling, but that’s not something they would ever see me do.

  2. Great points, all.

  3. Great points Randi. Thanks for starting this conversation, it’s an important one to have. Thanks!

    • Yes, I think it’s important, especially when your kids are young – because then, it’s so easy to blame the kids. They can’t hear you and they don’t really know the difference. Remember, though, that changes.

  4. very interesting post. I’ve considered how often I see references to wine, wine-o’clock, send wine etc. on social media recently. I, like Kat, have often typed a message including this as a verbal release when I was actually not anywhere near alcohol. But it is a temptress and the slope is a slippery one. If we aren’t careful, we will make it seem like daily parenting fatigue earns a glass. I think it’s a great conversation to have.

    • When we were teens, we used to think drinking made us so cool, and now it feels as if we’re getting back there. I guess I’m more intrigued by the bonding and the excuses we’re making for it these days than the choice itself.

Trackbacks

  1. […] are shot. I scream, I slam my foot on the dashboard, I get out of the car shaking and reaching for an imaginary drink.  I pre-warn my boy that if he wants me to take him driving there’s a good chance I’ll […]

  2. […] I feel like a hypocrite – walking around with my wine glass saying Do As I Say, Not As I Do because I’m an adult so I have a different set of choices. But […]

  3. […] – not because modern mom culture is finally exposing parenting’s dark side or because today’s moms have claimed drinking as their right  – but because she is not a mom first. She is a raging alcoholic. And that fact won’t change […]

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