This fall, my 10-year-old’s schedule makes mine look like a spa getaway.
Between baseball playoffs and hockey tournaments, he manages to squeeze in homework, Tetris and NHL on Xbox. He roller blades after school, reads before bed, somehow fits in three meals a day, and showers. And yet, the kid won’t stop nagging me about the gaping hole in his boring, empty life. Apparently, he can’t survive another second without his very own cell phone.
Born a lawyer (Lord, help me), the tween’s got a case. It goes like this:
1. Safety. “Now that I’m allowed to walk with friends for ice cream, I need to text you where I am.”
2. Fairness. “But Sister was younger than me when she got a phone. You love her more.”
3. Envy. “Carpool friend has a phone. I’m so jealous.”
4. Intelligence. “Texting will make me write more.”
5. Bribery. “If I have a phone, I’ll be more responsible and I’ll work harder in school.”
6. And, when all else fails, Nuisance. “I’m going to ask until you say YES!”
A retired lawyer myself (Thank you, Lord), I’ve got issues. They go like this:
1. Safety. “When you’re walking across the street playing games on your phone, you could get hit by a car.”
2. Fairness. “Sister developed a texting addiction too young. Because I love you, I’m saving you from her fate.”
3. Envy. “Carpool friend has no one to text but her mom. Still jealous?”
4. Intelligence. “Texting will make your spelling gr8.”
5. Bribery. “How about you work hard in school so you can get a job and pay for the phone.”
6. And, when all else fails, Nuisance. “I’m going to ignore you until you hear NO.”
Round 1: Mom. But I’m not passing out champagne. Having been here before, I am just gearing up for Round 2 in Battle of the Phone where my resolve will start to crumble as the tween nears his 11th birthday. Very soon, I’ll be forced to cover important cell phone details such as Tween Textiquette and TextSpeak, so stay tuned.