Being a parent can get really boring sometimes. After the first 10 or 12 years, all that feeding and bathing and laundering and chauffeuring starts to get old. As a mom of 18 years, I constantly seek out new ways to entertain myself. I truly feel that it’s important to keep the mother-child relationship fresh and spicy.
Amongst the drudge of the day-day-mothering, how do you do that? Where do you find opportunities to to keep life fun while still setting a good example? Sure, you can do stuff with your kids like apple picking, and bowling, movie dates, and games nights, or even have simple heart-to-hearts. But, those are such pedestrian activities, never mind the minute they turn 11, they really aren’t interested in playing with mommy anymore (unless playing involves driving them somewhere and handing them cash). Plus, the really fun stuff, like giving the kid beer and watching them get drunk is a tiny bit illegal.
Seriously, what does a mother do? How does she keep the spring in her step so that she’s motivated to get up every morning and pick up dirty socks from the floor?
Don’t fear! There is a solution! If you have a child stuck right in the middle of babyhood and adolescence, your life is ripe with entertainment opportunities. And, by entertainment I mean embarrassing your progeny.
While the kids have their own list of things we do that make them want to punch us, here are some of my favourite techniques:
- Dance. Anywhere will work, but sure fire hits are: in the car, in the mall to the Muzak, and pretty much anytime another tween is present. Full on dancing isn’t required. In fact, booty shaking and awkward arm movements are most effective.
- Sing. Or rap. Sing and rap. Sing and rap while dancing. The trifecta of mortification.
- Seize inopportune moments to perform regular, yet unscheduled armpit hair checks. Not only is this a great way to track the status of your child’s puberty, it has the added bonus of being completely and totally horrifying to them while hilarious to you.
- Talk in the car when other tweens are present. Any type of conversation will work. It doesn’t matter what you say, but that you’re actually saying it.
- Wink at them when they’re talking to another tween of the opposite sex. If you’re with another adult, point at them and smile knowingly. Then, wave.
- Hug, kiss or otherwise touch your tween when in any public place. This includes, but is not limited to: school, the mall, the street, private homes, and the car.
- Ask your tween leading questions about their personal affairs in front of their grandparents.
- Use outdated teen slang like ‘Bro’, ‘Gurlfriend’, ‘dude’ ‘yo’, and ‘just chillaxing’ when talking to your tween and their friends.
- Go shopping with your tween girl and try on clothing that’s inappropriate for your age. Preferably exit your change room in the same outfit your tween daughter is currently trying on (twinsies!)
- Breathe. Sometimes, just being alive and breathing will do the trick.
Got any tips to share with the rest of us? Dish, dude!