10 MOST EXCELLENT WAYS TO EMBARRASS YOUR TWEEN

Mom embarrassing her kids

photo credit: http://imaginingbetter.com

Being a parent can get really boring sometimes.  After the first 10 or 12 years, all that feeding and bathing and laundering and chauffeuring starts to get old.  As a mom of 18 years, I constantly seek out new ways to entertain myself.  I truly feel that it’s important to keep the mother-child relationship fresh and spicy.

Amongst the drudge of the day-day-mothering, how do you do that?  Where do you find opportunities to to keep life fun while still setting a good example?  Sure, you can do stuff with your kids like apple picking, and bowling, movie dates, and games nights, or even have simple heart-to-hearts.  But, those are such pedestrian activities, never mind the minute they turn 11, they really aren’t interested in playing with mommy anymore (unless playing involves driving them somewhere and handing them cash).  Plus, the really fun stuff, like giving the kid beer and watching them get drunk is a tiny bit illegal.

Seriously, what does a mother do?  How does she keep the spring in her step so that she’s motivated to get up every morning and pick up dirty socks from the floor?

Don’t fear! There is a solution! If you have a child stuck right in the middle of babyhood and adolescence, your life is ripe with entertainment opportunities.  And, by entertainment I mean embarrassing your progeny.

While the kids have their own list of things we do that make them want to punch us, here are some of my favourite techniques:

  1. Dance.  Anywhere will work, but sure fire hits are:  in the car, in the mall to the Muzak, and pretty much anytime another tween is present.  Full on dancing isn’t required.  In fact, booty shaking and awkward arm movements are most effective.
  2. Sing.  Or rap.  Sing and rap.  Sing and rap while dancing.  The trifecta of mortification.
  3. Seize inopportune moments to perform regular, yet unscheduled armpit hair checks.  Not only is this a great way to track the status of your child’s puberty, it has the added bonus of being completely and totally horrifying to them while hilarious to you.
  4. Talk in the car when other tweens are present.  Any type of conversation will work. It doesn’t matter what you say, but that you’re actually saying it.
  5. Wink at them when they’re talking to another tween of the opposite sex.  If you’re with another adult, point at them and smile knowingly. Then, wave.
  6. Hug, kiss or otherwise touch your tween when in any public place. This includes, but is not limited to:  school, the mall, the street, private homes, and the car.
  7. Ask your tween leading questions about their personal affairs in front of their grandparents.
  8. Use outdated teen slang like ‘Bro’, ‘Gurlfriend’, ‘dude’ ‘yo’, and ‘just chillaxing’ when talking to your tween and their friends.
  9. Go shopping with your tween girl and try on clothing that’s inappropriate for your age.  Preferably exit your change room in the same outfit your tween daughter is currently trying on (twinsies!)
  10. Breathe. Sometimes, just being alive and breathing will do the trick.

Got any tips to share with the rest of us?  Dish, dude!

 

Comments

  1. Kat says:

    How about those little cutesy names you’ve been calling them since you changed their diapers? Calling them those in front of anyone should do the trick.

    • mara says:

      That doesn’t even embarrass my kids, probably because my Dad was huge for nicknames, so its a part of their lives. We’ve got J, Little J, JJ, Little shaps, diva, pumpkin, princess, Bubba, benster. They love em all

  2. Steve Kubien says:

    Love these suggestions. I totally forgot about Kat’s suggestion of the nicknames. I will utilize this tactic at the earliest opportunity. :)

  3. Pam @writewrds says:

    We’re hip with the outdated teen slang here, dude. And the Evil #5. : D

  4. randi says:

    11. Ask your tween’s friend, in front of the tween: So? You got a girl/boyfriend?

  5. Marci says:

    Apparently, simply parking my car NEAR his classroom at pick-up time is embarressing. (of course, if he finds it too hard to take..he COULD always WALK home!)

    Loved this post!
    :o)

    • mara says:

      he could always walk home… once, my daughter said to me, ‘You can drive my carpool, but DON’T talk.’ Umm excuse me? Driving your carpool is a privilege?

  6. “Why you gotta be like dat?” The kids want to jump out of their skins.

  7. Momtactics says:

    Love it! The nick names always work too! Dancing, love the dancing and pit check!

  8. Leora Schachter says:

    Yes, the pit check. Pure, evil genius. You are brilliant.

  9. kerry says:

    wear outrageous clothes and go pick them up from school. also how about bringing up little things from their childhood. the dancing works wonderfully i do it and get the famous mooooooooommmmmmm and then they walk 6 feet in front of me . when they do that try calling them ” baby, poopsy come on but mommy loves you

  10. Jeannine says:

    my son just turned 10 … the catapult into tween was immediate – this formerly ‘cool’ Mom has become SO EMBARRASSING just because – he said to me ‘don’t you know all 10 year old boys think their Mom’s are embarrassing’ – I asked why not Dad’s too – ‘that’s just the way it is MOM!’ (eyeroll)

  11. Burping is other good one!!
    Yesterday my 15-year old was at a party at an ice cream shop and when hubs and I came to pick her up, all the girls were sitting at a table right next to the window, so of course we started waving like crazy! Ah, the expression on her face at that moment ….priceless – it didn’t realize her cheeks could turn so red!!!
    Lisa Weinstein

  12. lily says:

    ask ur tween boy {if u have one} “hey isnt that the girl u like?!!!!!” loud and clear if he told who he likes. say it when the girl is near u

  13. Raised By A White Rasta says:

    being 18, I remember the pitt check all too well. speaking from experience, the absolute most embarrassing act my parents ever executed growing up was playing music and singing. but not goofy singing, like actual “im really trying and I actually think im cool” singing- a pretty common offence. unless your 40 year old stay-at-home dad doesn’t like the classic “take on me” or even “you give love a bad name,” but instead has some sort of out of control fetish for reggae. im not talking about bob marley, or steal pulse. im talking about real down home African hymn type shit. the worst part is the tropical birds would make sounds in the background of these strange foreign songs, and my father, a 5’11 bald white man, was always right there squaking along with them. to set the record straight im not even out of highschool and this goes on every day still. ever heard of mykal rose? check him out sometime. im sure your children would love that because god knows I sure did…not! there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t picture life without mykal rose in it! the man has quite literally made his impact on my life and my friends memories- and im not sure if that’s a good thing.

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